Merry Christmas

          It's Christmas!  Well, by 10 minutes.  Normally, I dread the holidays (family fights and drama, food anxiety, etc.) but I'm actually excited this year.  I put my lights up (well, two strands around my door), wrapped some presents, and sent out my Christmas cards two weeks ago.  I took a week off from work to head to Philadelphia in all of 6 hours to spend time with Allison and her family before she leaves the east to move in with me in Arizona.
          Today was my first good food day in awhile--I think the excitement and anticipation of seeing Allison, wrapping presents, and packing occupied my mind from 8 am to 11 pm.  Speaking of 8 am, I got a wonderful wake-up call today, which was the only day I could sleep in this past week:

Tigey thought it would be a nice way to say Merry Christmas Eve by sitting on my chest, pawing at me and meowing, until I woke up.  She calms down once she sees me open my eyes, hence her rocking the drugged look for the picture. 

          I'm both nervous and excited to meet Allison's family and spend Christmas afternoon plus a few days with them.  There's the general anxiety of meeting a girlfriend's parents, but then there's also the holiday anxiety.  Holidays with my parents have always been pretty rough between the drama and ed thoughts.  This year, I made the decision not to see them.  I don't think they're too pleased, but unfortunately for them, they don't get a say in the matter.  Even though I'm choosing not to see them this year, it will still be bittersweet on some level.  Like all kids, I always wished for the perfect Christmas, but of course, that never happened.  There was always some fight, yelling, harsh words, disapproving looks, something.  Yet every year, I always held onto the hope that "this year would be different."  This year, finally, it will be different.  Allison's family seems awesome and it will be such a change to spend the day around positive, happy people, but I know I'll still be thinking of my own parents and wishing I could have had that with them while growing up.
          To update the dietitian situation, this past Tuesday's appointment with my now former dietitian went as expected.  Telling her that I would no longer be able to see her was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  Luckily for me, my therapist gave her the heads up, so I didn't have to say much.  Good thing too, as I could barely get the words "I can't afford to see you" out.  We spent our time talking about the progress I made and what I can do to stay on track/get back on track during the next few weeks.  She also said some very kind words to me and commended me on my honesty, openness, and progress, which made me feel pretty good, despite everything, and then we parted with a hug.  I teared on and off throughout the entire session.  When I walked out of the building, although teary-eyed, I felt somewhat relieved.  I've been so anxious since she first told me she was leaving that I've been dreading saying goodbye to her.  Both she and my therapist have said this "ending of a relationship" is great for my personal growth, and while I agree, it still isn't easy.  Yet being able to move on is important, not just for me personally but for my recovery as well.  I'm excited to get back on track in a few weeks and hopefully meet with a new dietitian.
          As for now, I'm super excited to get out to Philly (even though it means trading my pleasant 50 degree weather and palm trees for snow), see Allison (who I haven't seen since October), meet her family, and then make the drive back out west.  The road trip will be a fun adventure and I plan on taking some cool pictures along the way as we travel through the states.  I'm waking up at 3:00 am to get to the airport with plenty of time to spare for my 1st leg of the journey--a 6:00 am flight to Houston.  Then it's a late morning flight to Philadelphia.  Time to get some rest before the trip!